Why Boundaries Are Essential for Healthy Relationships
Having an idea of what our boundaries are for the different relationships in our lives plays a vital role in how we show up in these dynamics—and how we show up for ourselves.
Boundaries can feel uneasy at first, especially for those of us who’ve experienced past trauma and learned to seek safety through control. Often, that control shows up as people-pleasing. We try to predict outcomes by keeping everyone else happy, thinking that if we don’t upset anyone, we’ll stay safe. The truth is, that approach isn’t sustainable and eventually leaves us feeling drained and resentful.
We wonder how we can be so kind and accommodating to others, yet still feel uneasy inside. That resentment is a direct reflection of weak boundaries.
The Importance of Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries are necessary in every aspect of life—our families, friendships, romantic relationships, work environments, and most importantly, the relationship we have with ourselves.
If we don’t have healthy boundaries within, we’re unlikely to have them externally. Every relationship we hold will always mirror the one we have with ourselves—ahh, the mirror shines back at us again!
Healthy boundaries shouldn’t be hard or rigid. I like to think of them as gentle markers. The moment I start to feel irritated or off within myself, I know I’m crossing one of my own boundaries.
How to Recognise When You’re Crossing Your Own Boundaries
This might show up in simple ways:
The food you choose to eat
The amount of rest you allow yourself
The way you speak to or treat your body and mind
The time you give yourself to nurture your wellbeing
When I don’t feel “good” emotionally, I take it as a sign that my shadow self is upset. That shadow part of me isn’t the enemy – it’s simply the wounded part of myself that still needs love and attention from my inner adult.
Just like a child left alone or ignored will eventually act out, our inner shadow does the same. It doesn’t need punishment; it needs compassion. When I sense this happening (and I know it’s not my cycle to blame!), I lean into reflection – where am I not showing healthy self-discipline or honouring my own needs?
Boundaries Begin With the Self
When I hold strong boundaries within myself, the boundaries in my relationships flow more naturally. It all circles back to self-awareness. Weak boundaries don’t build strong relationships, no matter how nice or agreeable we try to be.
Playing the “yes” person or always avoiding conflict creates connections built on false foundations. These foundations will eventually crack. True relationships—ones built on authenticity, respect and emotional intimacy—will always include moments of conflict, and that’s okay.
Someone being upset with us doesn’t mean we’ve done something wrong. It means we’re human. It means we’re honouring both our needs and theirs by allowing space for truth and communication.
Living Authentically with Healthy Boundaries
In a world that often feels like it takes advantage of our softness, we need to protect our energy by building strong, loving boundaries. These boundaries don’t separate us, they empower us. They create emotional safety, deepen trust and foster healthy relationships rooted in honesty and mutual respect.
Fake is phony, and we are here to live our truth. Boundaries are the ultimate act of self-love and self-respect—and the foundation for every healthy, fulfilling relationship we’ll ever have.